Prayers Please

This means we've got some serious fundraising to do!!!!!

0 for 3 & Baby V

Technically 0 for 4. For those that let us know about Baby V, again thank you. We haven't heard anything at this point which means that we are not “in the running” for next phase however we did fill out the pre-application Monday. Looks like they found a more suitable family for her.

Yesterday we got a call. A baby girl was being born today. Did we want to be presented to the birth mother? Of course! I rushed to get everything our lawyer needed from us. Then we waited... and waited... at noon (today) I still hadn't gotten a call. I sent a text to our lawyer and not long after she gave me a call. The birth mother decided to keep the baby. Today we are grieving for what could have been. I cried until I couldn't cry any more. I'm heartbroken, Chris is as well, but at the same time we are happy that this precious little girl will get to stay with her birth mother. Without God I would give up, but He is giving me strength and the wisdom to know that eventually this will all be worth it. When we are holding our child, the child God has for us, we will look back and know that all this pain is all worth it. This has become another part of our story and one day our child will know this story and will see that we loved him/her enough to NOT give up; to keep going – keep moving forward on this road. This journey is by far the hardest I've ever encounter, but I know that there's a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel.

Risk Takers.

risk

noun: risk; plural noun: risks

1.

a situation involving exposure to danger.

"flouting the law was too much of a risk"

verb: risk; 3rd person present: risks; past tense: risked; past participle: risked; gerund or present participle: risking

1.      expose (someone or something valued) to danger, harm, or loss.

      
         "he risked his life to save his dog"

There are risks associated with everything we do here in this life, on this earth. Sometimes what we know to be possible we hide from our minds and then it's as if it "surprises" us when we're made to face them. Other times we know, but we run from the truth until we can't run any longer. We risk when we hope. We risk when we love. We even face a risk in the waiting.

Our possible birth mother, as of last week, was still undecided on a family, however due to circumstances we are unaware of she has had a miscarriage. I feel very sad for her, not for us - as I felt from the very beginning that God was safe guarding my heart this time around (not hardening it, He just gave me a certain feeling that this baby wasn't meant to be ours). Please, if you read this send a prayer up for M & J. I cannot imagine what they must be going through right now. I'm sure there are some that would argue, "But they were putting the baby up for adoption... and so on..." True, they were, but here's my BUT for you, through adoption they could have still been a part of this beautiful child's life; they could have still been able to see their child, talk with their child, hug their child. Now their precious baby is in God's arms and they are suffering the loss of never knowing him/her. 

As for us, we will continue pushing forward. God has a very special child (or children if twins become an option) out there for us. 

I'll end this with the last three wreaths I've made and sold. Please get with us if you would like one!

Silent Auction: First Item is listed!

Bidding can be done on the new 2000 for ONE facebook!

Origami Owl PARTY

I just realized that I haven't blogged about the Origami Owl Jewelry Bar I'll be hosting this weekend! It's just another something I'm doing to try to raise those funds! I know not everyone can attend, some of you live halfway around the world, but there is an online party set up for us. 20% of all proceeds will go towards our adoption AND you get something stunning as well!


Here's the info : go to www.abbiehattaway.origamiowl.com and before ordering please be sure to enter the party code "DionaWilliams196769" if you don't put this code in we will not get the credit! Online orders must be submitted by Feb 22nd.

I hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed day! I'm on my way out the door to ride the bike and walk Frankie.

Every good thing.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and weekend! We stayed in this year and celebrated what will hopefully be our last Valentine's Day without a child. I made a dinner of Chris' favorite foods and we ate by candle light for most of the meal - it eventually got too dark for no lights!I even got all dressed up AND found a zebra for Chris. haha.

Saturday we took the munchkins hiking at a preserve not too far from where we live. What started out as a hike turned into a swim about 3 miles in. Frankie loved it, the little ones got carried and we got soaked.

We got home to a wonderful surprise. A package from my one set of my paternal grandparents. Baby "G" got his/her first gift in the mail. A beautiful afghan made by his/her great-grandmother!! It goes perfectly with the nursery. I also put up some cards we've gotten over the last few weeks concerning baby "G". I painted a backboard and frame and made baby "G" his/her very own card DIY cork board lol.

Yesterday after church and lunch with Chris' mom and dad we went on our weekly bike ride. All-in-all we had a very wonderful-love-filled weekend!

Now - onto the adoption front. Our book was given to another birth/first mommie and daddy Friday. It's the waiting game again, but we're just grateful to be here!

I wanted to give a break down of the money we've raised so far and where it's been used so that all of you beautiful loving people will know exactly where and how much you're helping us! First of all, you may have noticed that the ending amount over to the right has changed some. This is because every situation is different and if the current birth/first mommie chooses us we will need to pay more than the last quoted amount. Why? This birth/first mommie will be working one on one with a therapist that will help her get through this process - which we believe is awesome.

We have raised $2,040 at this point, however we're still waiting on our Chrome Buffalo money, so it's actually $1,974. Out of that $2,040 we have used $1,192.70.

•  We used $192.70 to buy safety items for the house - outlet plugs, cabinet locks, ext - as well as other items we needed to get us ready for the home study!  
• Our home study fee had to be paid a few weeks ago. Rather than cause ourselves any debt to pay it we used $1,000 of our raised funds. *The remaining $500 won't be due until post placement.

Our goal is to try and get through this adoption without any debt. We know that raising a child is expensive and we're trying to do the best that we can to not start our journey off with such a huge debt from the get go. You gals & guys are AMAZING for all that you've done to help us so far. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!

Moving Forward...

I got the call yesterday that we were not chosen. I was in the middle of re-organizing the pantry, listening to iTunes radio on my phone when it rang. If you ever do this then I'm sure you know, but if you don't - it basically pauses the song you were listening to. I had been so involved with what I was doing that I hadn't really been paying much attention to the music. After I hung up the phone I sat down hard in the nearest chair and felt a wave of defeat. Suddenly there seemed to be a huge weight on my shoulders and I just felt devastated. I began to cry and it took a few seconds, but it was then that the words to the song playing (it had begun to play again when I hung up) really made it to my head.

"All these questions holding me, I can't answer them, but I still sing,
Maybe the real beauty is love still grows and pain still stings, even now.

Angels of night, Hide in the half light, Praying for souls,
 Lost and found like mine, If you hear me, Angels of mercy,
Carry me in tonight.

Sometimes love it hurts so much,
You never wanna touch the stuff again,
But baby itʼs the only way,
You're never gonna outrun all the pain,
You're gonna have to face it though,
Before you let it go,
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go...

Angels of night, Hide in the half light,
Praying for souls, Lost and found like

Angels of night, Hide in the half light, Praying for souls,
Lost and found like mine, If you hear me, Angels of mercy,
Carry me in tonight."

I let the tears fall while I listened. I composed myself and walked outside. As soon as I got onto the back porch the sky opened up and rain came pouring down. I felt this amazing peace that God was telling me it was okay to grieve for a child that could have been ours. Not even 3 minutes later the rain stopped just as suddenly as it had started and I look up into a beautiful, non-cloudy sky (as the clouds had vanished almost as quickly as they had come) and I nodded. I felt almost as if God had shared in my tears and now I knew that He was softly pushing me to move on.

Chris got home and we went on a impromptu date. Neither of us wanted to be at the house, we needed some fresh air and we needed some time to just be us, together, on more neutral ground I suppose. We both felt it was best to get out and spend a little one on one time rather than stay in and possibly dwell or have a pity party. During our date we each expressed how we were feeling and I shared my "after-the-phone-call" happenings.

Today I made another trip to our lawyer's office (with my mother-in-law) and we got information on the next birth/first mommie and first daddy that we will be presented to next week. We'll be praying. This little one is due the day before my 31st birthday. However, God's will, will be done and if this isn't to be our baby it's okay. We'll just keep pressing on and moving forward. We knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy, but God is right here with us and He is bestowing a wonderful peace during the times that we need it the most.

Chrome Buffalo Fundraiser

We're using Chrome Buffalo to sale a pretty awesome shirt!

$11 of each shirt sold will go towards our adoption!  

The quote on the shirt: "The future belongs to those who dream."

FOLLOW THIS LINK TO BUY ONE!!

Full Steam Ahead

Full Steam Ahead.

After all, that's the only way I do anything. I make up my mind and there's noting that can stand in my way. Sometimes that's good.... but not always. I am lucky however that Chris accepts this, even when it means that we've BOTH got a weekend of honey dos to get done!

We've been working on putting the office back into the "office room" and turning the area I was using as my office back into a formal dinning room. Task accomplished! Though I will admit, the formal dinning area looks very bare! I've got to find some curtains for that window and a picture or two for the far wall.

My office is getting there. I have much less to do than when I started at least! Eventually there won't be such a mess... please excuse the huge blur, there was a little chihuahua nosing around while I was trying to take the panorama picture.

I also got the last canvas done and hung up in the nursery!

While stumbling across other adoption oriented sites tonight I came across a wonderful read.

To my many friends or readers who are in that purgatory — that hell — of waiting, I’m hoping to give you a little encouragement today. I know what it feels like. I know the constant ache of your heart, the struggle to be fully present for your family and friends when you feel like half your heart and half your brain (or more) is always wrapped up in something else. I remember all too well sneaking out of the bedroom in the middle of the night so I could secretly check my e-mail and see if there was any sort of paperwork update from the Congo, who was eight hours ahead. I remember bursting into tears whenever certain songs would come on the radio  (though I now love the song “Home”, I was convinced God was trying to torture me with its popularity and incessant radio time). I remember wanting to punch the people who said, “God has a plan.” I remember being torn between wanting to talk about my son all the time and dying for someone to ask me about him and wanting to hole up in the house so I could just stop answering the well-meaning “When will he be home?” questions. I remember feeling like I had nothing left to give anyone because I was so emotionally exhausted.Waiting Mama — this, too, shall pass. I know it doesn’t seem like it. It seems like you’ve been in this forever and maybe you have. Maybe you have been fighting for your child for years. Maybe you are on your third or fourth referral because the others have fallen through or because you’ve lost a child. It’s okay to be angry and upset that this takes so long. It shouldn’t have to. Children should be with their mamas and not in an orphanage and it is not part of “God’s plan” that your child is suffering hurt and pain while he waits for you. That’s part of the sinful, broken world we live in. You have a right to be outraged at the system that is keeping you apart. You have a right to your tears, to your void, to your heartache.

Just remember that you are not alone. Even though it may seem like you are out of control and you are the only one advocating for your child, God is fighting for you and for your child, too:

The Lord your God will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)

I know those words won’t suddenly make your wait joyous. I know they won’t necessarily take away the deep ache you have for your child. But I hope that they make you feel less alone. And I hope knowing that there are other mamas who have shared your same pain and longing and are now on the other side is somehow encouraging to you.

And I promise you this, waiting mama: that moment is so very worth the wait.

Thank you for your wonderful words above, Carly. Right now the second best thing in the world for my heart and knowing that all of these feelings that I'm having are normal and understood.

The first best thing is knowing that our baby is out there somewhere, even if he/she isn't even born yet!

Getting a grip.

*Note to self - make copies!!!

On another note, we have our home assessment scheduled! Home study is almost complete! Exciting and scary, soon we will know if we've passed or not. So far it looks like we'll pass, but I don't like to "count my chicks before they hatch".

All this waiting might be tough on us, but I cannot image what birth/first mommies are having to go through! I may have little freak outs - when you're waiting a day can seem to take years, but adoption is full of beauty and heartbreak, for all those involved. I can't share the excitement without sharing all the other emotions as well. 

Here's the project I'm currently working on for the nursery:

The Waiting.

I started off thinking that if I just pretended that she had already chosen a family then... if I got the call that she wants us to be that family I'd be very pleasantly surprised. As the week as progressed, yeah it's only day four - I guess I'm just a big baby, my phone has taken over my life. When it rings my heart drops into my stomach. Will the next ring be the call that tells us she's chosen a different family? Will we even get a call if she doesn't chose us!?! I'm tempted to turn my phone off. I think a voice-mail would be easier.... maybe. I shouldn't be so down about it, no news is good news, right? You would think so at least. However, every call that isn't THAT call, every text/message or call that is someone asking if we've heard anything yet is just another knife being plunged into my heart.

I'm not complaining. I understand it may seem like that. I'm just trying to sort through these feelings. It's worse than a roller-coaster. We are very, very lucky and extremely blessed to even be having a birth mother considering us at this point in the journey. VERY BLESSED. I know that and I understand it, but this "not knowing" isn't easy. Believe me, I never thought this process was going to be easy, but the way things - and by things I mean literally everything - has been falling into place up until now almost had me thinking that God was telling us that our baby is almost ready for us. 

The wait has started to consume me. I must stop this! I've had 13 years of waiting, but I have to remember that God wouldn't make me wait longer unless there was a lesson to learn in it. There's a reason why we're waiting. I'm not sure what that reason is, but I know that I just need to have faith. Now, if I can only make my emotions see that! Is it normal to be feeling like this? I sure hope so! Prayers please.

Coffee Fundraiser!

Because we all know SOMEONE that loves coffee!!!




OR Buy a shirt!

 

This week is packed!

Home Study Checklist:

✔ Child Abuse Clearance
✔ Local Background Check Friday
✔ Live Scan Fingerprint Clearances Friday Appointment
✔ Medical Report Got done today, follow up Thursday.
✔ Photocopy of Most Recent Tax Returns Copying Friday
✔ Employment Letter Today
    Financial Statement
✔ Five Letters of Reference Sent out guidelines to all 5 references.
✔ Photocopies - Birth, Marriage, Divorce Copying Friday
✔ Guardianship Statement Guardian Chosen, must get signed.
    Affidavit of Good Moral Character
✔ Confidential Home Study Inventory Complete.
✔ Arrest Disposition
    Schedule case worker home visit
✔ Meet with lawyer Thursday Appointment

Tomorrow I will be taking our fur-babies to the vet to get their yearly shots and a print out stating that they are up to date! Darby, our dear sweet rat, will be going to her new home tomorrow - we sure will miss her. ♥